BDSM Role Play: How Does It Work?

Doctor and patient. Master and slave. BDSM role play comes in endless varieties.

BDSM, which stands for bondage and discipline, domination and submission, and sadism and masochism, involves a range of sexual practices. Not all sexual role play falls into the category of BDSM, but role play is typically considered an essential element of BDSM.

BDSM sexual role play may involve two or more people who “act out” a particular scene or fantasy. This can happen in person or virtually, such as in a chat room or via email. When the role play is a part of BDSM, it usually involves at least one individual exhibiting dominance over another.
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The scenarios may be simple and impromptu, or they might require sophisticated costumes, props, or a script. Essentially, each person pretends to be someone or something they aren’t.

Different Kinds of BDSM Role-Play Scenarios
In a role-play scene, participants can act out any kind of situation. The possibilities are limitless.

Some popular character scenarios include:

Doctor or nurse and patient
Teacher and student
Boss and employee
Master and slave
Client and stripper
Handyman and housewife
Photographer and model
Homeowner and maid
Police officer and criminal
Adult and child
Human and animal
Additionally, many BDSM followers perform gender play (where one or more participants takes on the role of the opposite gender) or “rape” fantasy play (where one participant pretends to be nonviolently coerced into an unwelcome sex act).

The sessions may include elements of power (giving, exchanging, or taking it), sensations (using pain or the senses), and psychology (mind games). (2)


The role playing may be done in private or public locations, with or without spectators.


Often, the participants wear costumes to act out a part. Popular BDSM getups include a cheerleader uniform, a police officer uniform, a French maid’s outfit, a school student uniform, or a nurse’s uniform. Additionally, many in the BDSM community choose to wear leather garments. (1)

The Players in Role Play: Tops vs. Bottoms
Typically, each participant in a BDSM session takes on a specific role.

The dominant player, also called a “top,” is usually in charge of giving orders and has all the power. The submissive player, or “bottom,” follows the commands. In some relationships, partners alternate between top and bottom roles. This is known as a “switch.”

When the event has ended, participants revert to their normal, everyday roles, and their usual authority is reestablished.

In rarer instances, some couples engage in full-time BDSM relationships, which are known as “24/7s.” With these situations, there’s a total power exchange, meaning power roles are permanent, not temporary. (1)
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The Psychology of Role Play: Why Do People Like It?
Research examining the psychological factors involved in BDSM role play are limited, but there are some documented studies that reveal insights. (1)

In a paper published in the journal Psychology of Consciousness: Theory, Research, and Practice, scientists found that for those who practice BDSM, participating in BDSM acts can create a “pleasant altered state of consciousness.” (3)

Additionally, for the 14 experienced BDSM practitioners studied, the researchers discovered that overall BDSM encounters were associated with reductions in psychological stress and an increase in sexual arousal.

Another study, published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, looked at the psychological characteristics of people who practice BDSM. (4)

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The findings revealed that BDSM practitioners were less neurotic, more extroverted, more conscientious, more open to new experiences, less sensitive to rejection, and had a higher sense of subjective well-being than those who didn’t participate in BDSM activities.

The one negative trait observed was that BDSM practitioners had lower levels of agreeableness compared with others. (4)

Scores were generally more positive for those in the top roles compared with those in the bottom roles. But both BDSM tops and bottoms demonstrated positive traits when compared with non-BDSM practicing controls. (4)

Some experts believe individuals who practice BDSM tend to include facets of their own personality in their role play scenes. Others theorize that the enactment is more of an escape fantasy that can relieve participants of everyday social or gender pressures. (1)
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Safe Words, Contracts, and Other Safety Measures in Role Play

In many BDSM relationships, partakers come up with safety plans to ensure that their role play scenes don’t cross a line.

A “safe” word is an agreed upon word or phrase that the sub can say during a session if he or she immediately wants an action to stop.

According to a survey conducted by the UK sex toy brand Lovehoney, some of the most popular safe words are: “red,” “pineapple,” “banana,” “orange,” and “peach.” (5) More peculiar choices, like “Donald Trump” and “Elmo,” also made the list.

A written contract is another popular way to allow parties involved in a BDSM relationship to make their preferences known. While not legally binding, these agreements allow each person to give their consent and identify any acts that are off-limits.

Experts agree that safety and trust are two of the most important factors to consider when entering a BDSM relationship.

The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom offers resources and tips for establishing consent to a BDSM session. (6) According to the organization, a person should ask many questions before providing permission. Some examples of what questions to ask include:
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Who will be involved or observing the scene?
What do you want me to do?
How can we stop what is happening (safe word)?
When will the scene take place?
Where is it okay to touch?
What kind of protection will we use?
Have you been tested for a sexually transmitted disease (STD)? What are the results?
Experts stress that you shouldn’t enter a BDSM relationship if you are not completely comfortable with the consent terms and agreements.